So, pretty much..it’s just another day of me sitting here at my relatively ”new’ home with my new life stuck doing…well nothing. It’s really peaceful today because the other family that lives here is off doing something. So i’m stuck here to think about my life and my future and the number of paths I could take. Overall, the past year or so (the year i’ve been with my husband) has been the best year of my life. But lately I feel like i’ve fallen into this depression that seems to go away one day and come back the next. I’m not always sure if it’s pregnancy just toying with my emotions or if i’m ever having regrets. On a conscious level, I have NO regrets with how things are now. I’m very much in love. I wouldn’t take back my baby, and I would, at this point, give my life to make sure she is safe, healthy, loved…etc…But sometimes, I still think about things from my past, people from my past…and there are those who mean absolutely nothing to me. But there are also those who I feel like for one reason or another, i’ll always be attached to. Weather it’s the person who I first experienced drugs with, or the person who has my virginity…something, weather I want it or not …with always bring the thought of that person. I can go months without being bothered or even caring, being so sucked into my new life…but then, I hear their name, or get reminded of a past event and then I just wonder what is going on in their lives. Do they even think of me? Are they happy with what is coming of them? Blah blah blah. It almost makes me feel guilty. I think to myself, “well I must not be really happy with my relationship if i’m still thinking about this and that from my past…”…I don’t always think that’s true. Maybe it’s natural. Maybe it’s just human, and everyone who claims they feel otherwise is just holding their thoughts in to put on a front.
Sigh.
This is just me unloading. Hopefully now I can go on with my day and not have a care in world. That sounds pretty much amazing right now. ^.^
